by Chloë Bass
In 2016 I sent Lorraine O’Grady an invitation to be the first guest for my talk-show project, What is shared, what is offered, at Independent Curators International in New York. I was 32 at the time; Lorraine was 82. At that point, she and I had met briefly through Simone Leigh’s initiative Black Women Artists for Black Lives Matter, organized as part of “The Waiting Room,” Leigh’s New Museum exhibition that same year. In my initial email, I addressed Lorraine formally as “Ms. O’Grady” and presented myself as someone who had been profoundly influenced by her conceptual work.
Five days later, I received a response that has become the cornerstone of my own ability to say no. Henceforth, I have referred to this message, both privately and publicly, as a lesson from the “Lorraine O’Grady School of Refusal.”
After expressing thanks for the invitation, Lorraine wrote, “Sadly, due both to greatly increased production and writing schedules and to advancing age—and with a heavy dose of ‘tough love’ from others—I’ve finally adopted hard-and-fast protective rules for myself: (1) No more than two public events per year … And (2) No further interviews at this time.” At the end, she added, “I hope it will work for us to work together at another time.”
This message was not a rejection. It was the beginning of an artistic friend- and mentorship.
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